Spain: Part 1 - The Flight

This recount is written from my current memory of what occurred just less than 2 weeks ago.

Friday evening was when my journey began. My partner was kind enough to drive me to the airport. Unfortunately, my body decided it would be nauseous and wanted to vomit the entire car ride there. Luckily, I was in my car, in which I had a bunch of serviettes, as well as plastic and paper shopping bags in which I could contain my vomit.

At the airport my partner helped me with booking in my luggage. My poster had to go through a "special or over-sized baggage" area, as it could not be booked on with my suitcase, and it also could not be taken on as carry-on. I bought a plain packet of smiths chips for dinner as that was all I could stomach at the time. I got teary, said goodbye then proceeded to operate in automatic mode for most of the journey. 

The entire thing was surreal and I had unwillingly disassociated myself from the situation. Once I got on the plane I put on a horror podcast "Paralyzed" and I was content. Horror relaxes me... The plane food was actually alright. I made sure the uni's travel agent put me down as vegetarian, which most places seem to take as vegan, so that works too. I had the window seat for the longest part (15 something hrs), and the guy next to me slept a lot of the time so I was essentially trapped. I managed to get up once for a walk to the toilet and a quick stretch. I watched a couple of movies and played the kids games, but unfortunately no sleeping occurred. 

Once I arrived at Doha, Qatar, the security threw my unopened bottle of water that the plane gave me in the bin and had to empty my refillable bottle I bought. I get the emptying of my bottle, but an unopened bottle? Seriously? what a waste of resources going straight in the trash  - not recycling even. I roamed around the stores there for a bit and found an organic vegan food place. I got chocolate protein oats and a coffee. 

Next was the plane to Barcelona, I think I had an aisle seat, but honestly it is mostly a blur now. I do think I was able to get up a couple of times to stretch and toilet though. Again, I watched a movie or 2 and played some kids games, but no sleep still.

When I arrived in Barcelona that's when I broke. Everyone was speaking another language, I had not slept in over 24 hours, and my anxiety kicked in. I went to a couple of help desks to ask where I needed to go, and I found them quite rude. So then I found a toilet and cried for a while. Sadly the toilet paper was rough and hurt to blow my nose into. I also found I could register as having a hidden disability and that was associated with my ticket. After eventually composing myself I got a matcha frappe with whipped cream from Starbucks to make myself feel better. 

Soon enough it was time to board a domestic flight to Seville. The person scanning my ticket was friendly at first and then the notice about having a hidden disability came up and they were no longer friendly and just stopped talking to me. I'm assuming they just didn't know what to do in response? But the thing is they didn't need to do anything different...

Anyway, this plane had no meals, and no in-flight entertainment. I think I just listened to podcasts and played coloured in on my phone. and eventually got to Seville airport, where I finally had to find my luggage. My suitcase came out easy enough, I had to wait ages for my poster though.

Throughout most of this journey I was physically conscious but found it all very surreal and had strong disassociation. In the end I surrvived, and got to where I needed to go, which is pretty good for a first time travelling internationally, alone, with anxiety and autism!

The financial cost of education

It's June now. Which means my university debt (HELP or HECS) just went up because of indexation.

Here is what indexation is:

"There is no interest charged on HELP debts.

However, indexation is added to your debt on 1 June each year.

Indexation is applied to your debt to maintain its real value by adjusting it in line with changes in the cost of living."

- Study Assist - Loan Indexation

This happens every year, however, this year the rate of increase was 7.1%. This is the highest it has ever been over the past 10 years. 

See: ATO Indexation Rates

Having done an undergraduate degree and a postgraduate degree my debt is obviously going to be higher than the majority of the population that only does an undergraduate degree and then finds a job. 

As much as I would love a free education like back in Whitlam's (1970's and 1980's) or like it is in some Scandinavian countries, I can accept that there are costs to getting an education and I am thankful that as an Australian citizen from a low socioeconomic background I am still able to go to university by getting a loan from the government. 

I can also accept to some degree that the longer it takes to pay off a loan the more it goes up. However, the amount it goes up by, specifically this year is quite ridiculous. 

Another thing I find unacceptable is when it is obligatory to make repayments. Currently you must start making repayments when you earn approximately only $5000* more than the minimum annual wage in Australia. To be fair, the less you earn the less percentage you have to pay off and vice versa, but I believe the minimum repayment income should be raised so people actually have a chance of not just getting out of debt, but also so they have a chance to invest in their future.

*This figure is APPROXIMATE

As a PhD student I earn below the minimum wage, despite being expected to work full-time hours, so I am currently not required to make payments to my loan. However, this year I made my first voluntary repayment. Not that it will reduce my debt, but rather keep it as it is.

**Yesterday my debt was 'y', I made a payment so my debt was 'x'. Today, after indexation is applied my new debt will be 'y' again. I can't afford to make a massive repayment, even the payment I did make is taking it straight out of my very limited savings. But if I did not make this repayment my debt would have increased to 'z'. 

**Where 'x' is the lower amount, followed by 'y', and 'z' is the highest amount.

I was debating with myself whether to make a repayment at all. Especially considering due to my disabilities and my carer responsibilities I may never earn enough to have to pay off my debt. However, I decided to be hopeful that one day I will be earning above the minimum wage and may even be in a position to apply for a home loan (with my partner, as a single income is rarely enough to buy any property these days). If I let my debt increase, I would not just have more to pay back in the future, but it would also affect any borrowing power I/we might have. 

Fingers crossed I made the best decision - that is being less well off now to be better off in the future.

Another intense week...

So, I made it back to uni Mon- Weds this week! This is a bit of an achievement for me. After being away for so long it feels weird in many ways. The weirdest feeling is the social aspect of it. Seeing people after so long, and some of them wondering where you have been and having to explain a certain amount to them is always a bit scary. I am thankful I actually have a physical problem (migraines) and not just autistic problems and carers responsibilities, since people seem to understand physical problems so much better. As progressive as society is in some ways, I would not be able to explain my autism properly in a way that others would even begin to comprehend, especially since I present so well. I am a master at masking not just my autism, but also all my other stresses, responsibilities, depression and even my physical pains. Something else the majority of people my age and younger don't understand is carers responsibilities. Almost everyone here that I have spoken only has themselves to worry about. They have no dependents, and as such the only financial and time related responsibilities have been self-related. I mention that I help care for my family and they can't even comprehend what I mean by that. They are fortunate enough to either not have disabled family members or have other family members that can care for them. I have been asked why I don't just leave my family to look after themselves with the public health systems to help them out? Anyone who has delt with the public health system knows it does not properly support low-income people with non-physical disabilities. 

In other news, one of my 3-year-old boys got a urinary blockage and had to spend a couple of days at the vet. He is home now seeming happy, and his brother is definitely much happier to have him home! He had to spend time at a 24/7 emergency vet clinic, they wanted to keep him a couple more nights, but thankfully they let me take him to my normal vet after the first night. This made the vet bill more than 10 times cheaper! My Youngest girl (who acts like the boys) also had a dental procedure last week. She is less than a year old and has already had to have teeth removed. They said she probably would not want to eat that night. but as soon as I brought her home, she went straight to the food bowl and was eating! Both of these cats really love their food! 

Saturday was Mum's 60th afternoon tea that I organised. It seemed to go well with people enjoying themselves. Only after the last guest left did I realise how much physical pain I was in though. While I was busy making food, and entertaining people I totally blocked out any headaches I had. I also realised once they left that I had only sat down maybe 2 minutes over the past 4 hours or so and my feet and lower back were quite sore.

Lastly, I had a short work shift on Sunday. I was thinking, great its a short day and I can have half a day at home to recover after the week. Of course that didn't happen. I was using the work car and got a flat tyre. Being a Sunday, there were no tyre shops open anywhere where I was, and NRMA could only tow me to the tyre shop and leave me there, with all the animals in the car. Thankfully my wonderful partner gave up his day off to come and get me and the critters to take us back to where they live and to where my car was. 

So I'm back at Uni today and have a whole week of PhD work to do again, with no time to actually rest. I do have a couple of science talks in a pub I will be going to which I will enjoy. However, while I may be doing enjoyable activities, I am still not getting to actually sit down and do nothing but rest. I still have on and off headaches of varying degrees of pain, but thankfully no debilitating migraine symptoms for a maybe a week. I can also be thankful for having perfect eyes. I had an optometrist appointment last week and they did several different tests, and I was perfect for them all! I even got to see behind/inside my eyes :D That was really cool!

Here is a picture of what it kind of looked like (not my eye):